Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
