I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
