She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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