You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
