Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
