It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
