WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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