I bet he comes in French.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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