So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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