It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
organizing the empties. That sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
