i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
