kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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