What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
