I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
