Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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