when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
