Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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