Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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