she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
