Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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