On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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