I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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