Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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