You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
