I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize