found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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