I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
