We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
