the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
