just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
