now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
