yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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