Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
