just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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