His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize