i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
