I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize