I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
