i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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