Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
