Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
