So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
