her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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