I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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