That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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