I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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