right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
