Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize