I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
