I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
