he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
