I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize