I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
