I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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