I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
