I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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