i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
