We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
