I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
