WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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