if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
