Your tits are I can't wait for
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
