I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
