i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
