Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
