Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
